It’s taken me over two weeks to write this post, because I haven’t been ready to admit to myself that it actually happened. But it did. Poppy decided she no longer wanted to breastfeed. My last baby, my “I don’t ever want a bottle I only want mama,” tiny Poppy seed. It started when she was sick with a stuffy nose and a fever. She just woke up one day and didn’t want to nurse. Throughout that first day I tried to offer it to her, but she just turned her head and cried. She had learned to drink formula from a straw cup and it seemed to be easier for her while she was sick, so I let it go. But when she didn’t nurse before bed that night I was really worried, not to mention extremely uncomfortable. I spoke to my lactation specialist (who is so brilliant and kind and if you ever need help definitely call her). In a panicked text I wrote, “I think Poppy is weaning herself!! Do 11 month old babies actually do this?? “ She calmed me down, told me to pump, and said it’s just because she’s sick. And to keep offering it for a few days, she would probably come back. So I drove to Target and bought a hand pump (I had very dramatically thrown out my pump accessories just a week before, thinking there wouldn’t be a need for them now that she could drink formula from a straw cup whenever I was away from her). A few days went by and she still wasn’t having it. She grabbed her straw cup of milk and drank it like a big kid, with this incredibly proud, smug look on her face. After a couple days of trying, I just knew she was done. My last baby, our final warm, cuddly, quiet nursing session already gone and I didn’t even know it had been our last. I’m sure in the long run this is a much easier way to transition into this next phase. I will never wonder if I was doing it for the wrong reason or if she was ready. It was her choice, she was ready. Even if I wasn’t. This seems to be the way milestones happen with your last baby. Pride and excitement mixed with a deep sadness that your little baby is not so little anymore. Maybe that’s what parenting will always be. Working towards the future while clinging to the present.
This photo was taken during our last nap time nursing session. Although at the time it was just a moment of peace that I wanted to capture, now I know it was so much more.
Poppy’s romper is from Rylee and Cru
Love Your Mother TShirt from The Bee and The Fox
Denim Skirt from JCrew
**For any breastfeeding support, contact Amy Broder at www.feedingwithoutfrenzy.com She’s a lifesaver!